The Victorian Teashop

The Critics Section

In order to maintain the high standards at the very highest level we employ our own critics, who can usually be seen at table four (They choose that table because of it's proximity to the serving counter and its affinity with 'four' letter words.) We, the staff only use three letter words when addressing them: 'tea", 'sod' and 'off'.

Betty Betty is fair, but doesn't like the proprietress much, whom she thinks is probably a bad influence on the nice young man who seems to own the place.

June June is having a bad hair day and it looks very much like that aspect may be reflected in her review.

Bert
Bert, is a great critic, He likes anything. He spends most of his time reviewing the proprietress.

Celia
Celia is our most mysterious critic. She has yet to criticise anything and is thought to be stalking the nice young man who seems to own the place.

Sexy Celia
The nice young man who seems to own the place has little criticism to offer in return.

The Wonderful Staff and Glorious Customers at The Victorian Teashop

The staff at the The Victorian Teashop in Matlock Bath are nothing short of wonderful. Without them, not only could we not do it, we wouldn't want to. They are hand picked to make sure we provide our customers with the fast and friendly service they deserve – even the mad woman who came in recently and shouted "Is is ready yet?" every ten seconds.

Of course, the teashop is actually owned and run on a private basis and built, on our long-term partnership. We, the owners, have been together for many years and pride ourselves on what we have achieved here in Matlock Bath and the quality of service we offer – when we're not at each other's throats, that is.

The nice young man who seems to own the place does
most of the the work, actually, despite the fact that he
has a batman and two gorgeous secretaries.

The Proprietress. Always ready to serve with a couple
of tea bags at the ready. "Pat, there's a customer
at the counter!".

Rules and Regulations

We have a few simple rules at the Teashop that we insist upon maintaining. They apply to both staff and customers.

No Pets
No Smoking! No Pouting... No Pets!

The Gettysburg Address

For good measure. Always worth keeping to hand.

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new tea, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created thirsty."

What Churchill had to say...

"I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to serve our Island home, to ride out the storm in a teacup, and to outlive the menace of vending machines, if necessary for years, if necessary alone.

At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do. That is the resolve of His Majesty's Government-every man of them. That is the will of Parliament and the nation.

We shall go on to the end, we shall serve them in Matlock Bath,
we shall serve them on the seas and oceans,
we shall serve them with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall serve our Island, whatever the cost may be,
we shall serve them on the beaches,
we shall serve them on the landing grounds,
we shall serve them in the fields and in the streets,
we shall serve them in the hills;
we shall never not serve them, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World (USA - see. I told you the Gettysburg address would come in handy), with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue the libation of the old."