The Wonderful Staff and Glorious Customers at The Victorian Teashop

The staff at the The Victorian Teashop in Matlock Bath are nothing short of wonderful. Without them, not only could we not do it, we wouldn't want to. They are hand picked to make sure we provide our customers with the fast and friendly service they deserve– even the mad woman who came in recently and shouted "Is is ready yet?" every ten seconds.

Of course, the teashop is actually owned and run on a private basis built, on our long-term partnership. We, the owners, have been together for many years and pride ourselves on what we have achieved here in Matlock Bath and the quality of service we offer – when we're not at each other's throats, that is.

Abigail: Our extraordinarily fast and efficient food and drink taster. She has many admirers among the young men who frequent the teashop and often leave her their phone number. Of course, she is always too busy to call them back.

Heather is our all important head cook. Whether it's a baked potatoes, a ham sandwich, or beans on toast, Heather is always ready to assist – once she's described her entire week to you in every living detail, that is.

Rachel and Debbie are sisters and work as a team: "I not going in anymore," says Rachel "but you are or I'll strangle you.".

The Proprietress. Always ready to serve with a couple of tea bags at the ready. "Pat, there's a customer at the counter!".

Alice swims the Channel every morning before making her way up the river Derwent and climbing out of the water at Matlock Bath looking perfect and ready to serve.

The nice young man who seems to own the place does most of the the work, actually, despite the fact that he has a batman and two secretaries.

Rules and Regulations

We have a few simple rules at the Teashop that we insist upon maintaining. They apply to both staff and customers.

No Smoking!

No Pouting!

No Pets!

The Critics Section

In order to maintain our high standards at the very highest level we employ our own critics, who can usually be seen at table four (They choose that table because of it's proximity to the serving counter and its affinity with 'four' letter words.) We, the staff only use three letter words, of course, 'tea", 'sod' and 'off'.

Betty is fair, but doesn't like the proprietress much, whom she thinks is probably a bad influence on the nice young man who seems to own the place.

June is having a bad hair day and it looks very much like that aspect may be reflected in her review.

Bert, is a great critic, He likes anything. He spends most of his time reviewing the proprietress.

Celia is our most mysterious critic. She has yet to criticise anything and is thought to be stalking the nice young man who seems to own the place.

The nice young man who seems to own the place has little criticism to offer in return.

In order to get on the right side of Tanya, the nice young man who seems to own the place calls her his "Beautiful new Asian girlfriend." This has secured a number of great reviews in 'Asian Woman's Weekly" but has done nothing to promote a good relationship with his partner... or Celia the stalker, for that matter.

Sometimes, as a distraction from the underlying sexual politics, we like to play tricks on the critics: "How dare you give me an invisible cup of Darjeeling!"

Preferred customers

Some of our best and preferred customers...

'One eyed Les' has a crush on the proprietress. He disguises the fact he has only one eye with dark glasses but ruins the effect by drinking through his ear.

Bailey also has a crush on the nice young man who seems to own the place. "The espresso is lovely but do you have anything bigger?"

L. B. Fabbio always orders a pot of tea for one, but the proprietress always serves tea for two... mmm.

When she gets home, Ethel pretends she's still at the teashop and that we're treating her very well indeed.

When Helen get's home, she always phones to ask if she can have more hot water.

The Competition

Obviously, when you are a success people will try to copy what you are doing or just attempt to enhance their business to bask in the reflected glory.

Some are trying a little bit too hard – especially for a fish and chip shop.